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Demo

by Diane Rehm

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1.
cystic system crushing me and killing you, cystic system crushing me and killing you. drowning in your own spit why cant everyone just pretend im dead already? why cant everyone just pretend im dead she said. why cant everyone just pretend im dead already? why cant everyone pretend im dead? drowning in your own spit.
2.
maybe i shoulda gone to class more, but i learned how to sneak out as a motherfucking sophomore, i was interested in reading and i had to find a way to get away, if they expect you to want to be there why do they treat it like a prison? I needed the rush of creepin’ and the afternoon for fucking sleeping. thanks to the hall monitors for teaching me to walk with purpose, and the staff for teaching me how to lie, and thanks for the weed in my friend’s garage for making me try. you cant make me care about arbitrary grades because ya know im gonna drop outta college anyways. maybe I shoulda gone to class more, but my education two pints deep in the gutter at 2:00 pm taught me i could never fucking work for them.
3.
Not Happy 01:24
i just dont get excited about relationships anymore. i just dont get excited anymore.nothing makes me happy any more. im feeling fucking crappy. smoking weed helps for like an hour, but then i got no god damn energy to shower. why does it always have to end in ownership? because thats a bullshit reason. why is it that if you have a penis we expect your gonna rape someone because that’s fucking insulting.
4.
Dear Brad 02:45
you think you got lucky and that i forgave you. well don’t get so comfy because you’re gonna meet your grave soon. It’s the best fucking night of my life. watching you bleed out your red on my knife. i started with your tongue because that apology was bullshit If you feel bad that it happened. why did you do it? so thanks again for the trip to the fraternity i’ll remember it now for fucking eternity. you made me resent a whole fucking city. to me kalamazoo ain’t ever gonna look pretty. i guess thats what that town gets from it’s university. luckily it’s been 8 years and i’ve found some fucking diversity. i can hear the blood gurggle in the back of your throat. sorry but you deserved to be butchered like a goat. youre not gonna get a chance to say goodbye because when i wanted to say no again you didnt even let me try. you held me down with your cock in my mouth so i couldnt scream. as your fist went south. i was only 16 so you bought the beer. i didnt know you did it so later you could claim the line was unclear. god you were so popular and funny i wonder how many people will miss you hunny. but they dont see how pathetic you are because you could only impress teenage girls with your job & your car. i guess i can thank you for teaching me to not be so shallow, but that lesson was not fucking worth becoming hollow. that was nothing compared with what was to follow. the friends i had told me i had wanted it and say i could have just fucking stopped it. i dont hang out with them anymore beccause they wouldn’t stop saying shit like “slut & whore” i know this attack is coming 8 years too late, but I’ve had a lot of emotional bullshit on my plate. you probably hurt a lot of people since then, but it’s not the victim’s responsibility to stop fucked up men. i’ll always remember the moment in the projection booth when you said sorry that’s when i learned some things weren’t even worth an apology.
5.
it’s mostly symptomatic of our times, an unwilling to be hopeful, knowing better to think positively. having our world ripped away, without a fucking say. how do i deal with all this shit if you go away? why do i force you out? one perfect ally against it all. but when we hit a wall, you let me fall. like a true 21st century insurrectionary, an unwilling to be hopeful, knowing better than to think posiively, theres something missing in all of us and you stole even more from me. but getting used to that wasnt very hard because every thing we chase is the totality. so i’m pretty used to the feeling of defeat, but that was never supposed to be you. there’s something missing in all of us and we are always fighting to fill it. all the relationships i’ve lost, at this culture’s cost. but when we hit a wall you let me fall like a true 21st century insurrectionary. everything we chase is the fucking totality. so im pretty used to the feeling of defeat but that was never suppossed to be you theres something missing in all of us and were always fighting to fill it. so i’m pretty used to the feeling of defeat but that was never suppossed to be you, fuck you.
6.
Foul Mouthed 01:20
since i won’t be your foul mouthed fantasy why dont you tell for real what you fucking think of me. its so wrong to wanna fuck a girl with tattoos and hairy pits but, im what you jerk off to at night isnt it? what a fetish my body makes. i’m what you jerk off to at night.

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released April 7, 2013

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Diane Rehm Michigan

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